Blog 4: Inside the Triple Gem
I critically evaluated my life and determined what needed to be done differently to attain freedom from suffering and lasting happiness, the ultimate success.
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“Believe me it is better to understand the balance-sheet of one’s own life than of the corn trade.” – Seneca
When I decided to move to Southeast Asia, I aimed to forge a new life, not just a business. To achieve this, I critically evaluated my life and determined what needed to be done differently to attain freedom from suffering and lasting happiness, the ultimate success.
To some people in the outside world, people on Wall Street seem to have everything – wealth, influence, status. Fulfilling our external desires offers a degree of satisfaction, but for so many, it’s a Pyrrhic Victory, a triumph ultimately not worth the sacrifices made to achieve it. The pursuit of career ‘success’ leads so many to trade their happiness, friends, relationships, health, and eventually families in exchange for external rewards like money, power, and status.
Sitting at my desk, I felt myself beginning to make similar trade-offs, prompting deep existential questions. These questions led me to a Buddhist monk on YouTube, Nick Keomahavong. Watching Luang Pi Nick or ‘Brother Monk Nick,’ teach led me to ask: How could achieving our dreams cause so much suffering? Why is this monk giggling joyfully in Thailand while we’re suffering on capitalism’s mountaintop? I had money but I didn’t feel wealthy.
Soon enough, a flash of inspiration came and I decided, ‘I’ll have what he’s having.’ Swiftly, I applied online to ordain as a Theravada Buddhist monk at his monastery, The Pae Pae Meditation Retreat, nestled in the jungles of Chiang Mai, Thailand. I wasn’t sure what becoming a monk in the jungles of Chiang Mai would entail, but if it brought me even a fraction of the joy he seemed to radiate, I figured I couldn’t lose.
Many of my fellow monks and laypeople were united by a shared sense of suffering that we experienced in our prior environments. This suffering predominantly emanated from unaddressed traumas, frequently triggered by unhealthy family dynamics, relationship challenges, financial burdens, toxic work environments, or an absence of purpose—phenomena distressingly common in the economically ‘developed’ world. I believe what distinguished us at Pa Pae from our peers was our courage to explore unconventional solutions, coupled with our sincere belief in our ability to improve our lives by taking challenges head-on.
Howard Marks, laid out a straightforward framework in his renowned memo, ‘Dare to Be Great,’ which perfectly encapsulates my decision-making process:
Howard’s memo teaches us that if we want to ‘dare to be great,’ we must also ‘dare to be wrong’ and look foolish. In a competitive arena, surpassing our peers necessitates thinking and acting differently, taking calculated, distinctive risks. Since following the herd didn’t yield the desired results, I knew it was time to dare to be different. I made what many on the conventional path would consider to be radical moves. I quit my job, ordained as a Buddhist monk, and relocated to what I believed to be the land of opportunity.
"Just as the ocean has one taste, the taste of salt, so too, the Triple Gem has one taste: the taste of freedom." – Buddha
Ordaining as a Buddhist monk was a special opportunity to immerse myself in The Triple Gem, comprising The Buddha, The Dhamma (The teachings), and the Sangha (The Buddhist community). Living amongst the Sangha exposed me to people who imparted the ancient Dhamma teachings from the Buddha who lived over 2,500 years ago. This ordination fortified my spiritual foundation and deepened my grasp of Asian, particularly Thai, culture and history.
Although Theravada Buddhist monks led The Pa Pae Meditation Retreat, the community was remarkably diverse. The Sangha encompassed men and women of various nationalities – Americans, Asians, and Europeans, ranging from ages 18 to 70+, hailing from a wide spectrum of professional backgrounds, from local Thai people to British JP Morgan financiers to Israeli backpackers. What bound this diverse group together was a shared compassion for others and a collective desire to liberate ourselves from suffering through meditation, chanting, chores, and the study of the Dhamma.
In many ways, this represented a dramatic 180-degree shift in my life. In college, to the dismay of my Thai friends, I mistakenly believed Thailand was a small island nation after watching the famous movie, ‘The Hangover.’ During high school and middle school, I thought meditation was for crazy people who had nothing better to do with their lives. I’d often ask my friends, “Why would anyone waste 30 minutes doing nothing? Don’t these people know some of us have lives to live and things to do?”
The prospect of going bald, collecting food barefoot (alms round), living in a hut (Kuti), and dedicating hours to meditation, Pali chanting, unpaid chores, and studying religious teachings would have seemed like the epitome of torture to my previous, unenlightened self in New York. In New York, our hairlines are precious cargo. Sacrificing our hairlines and eyebrows would have been the ultimate sacrifice for those I grew up with – Some might even prefer sacrificing their lives to preserve their dignity.
“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” – Buddha
During my nearly month-long stint as a monk, I gleaned countless lessons. Above all, the experience taught me how to purify and calm my mind, cultivating a sense of peace that so many of us yearn for. Part of the reason we shave our heads as monks is to let go of our attachments - the things we cling to that cause suffering. I was skeptical initially, but the impact was almost immediate. What did I really need to hold onto if I didn’t even have a hairline?
Going bald only had this impact for a limited time, but the monastic experience gave me tools to develop myself that I hope will last a lifetime. The Sangha helped me understand how compassion, patience, and forgiveness can alleviate the suffering we inflict upon ourselves, particularly when we’re judgmental or resentful towards people.
The experience not only helped us cultivate a sense of inner peace but also provided a fascinating immersion into distinct and ancient cultures that were previously unknown to me. This learning was made possible by our teacher monks, especially Luang Pi River and Luang Pi Brandon, who were Theravada Buddhists who hailed from Thailand, America, and The United Kingdom. Additionally, I had the privilege of learning from female and male Chinese Mahayana Buddhist monks who also possessed expertise in Taoism, traditional Chinese medicine, and Shaolin Kung Fu (Wu-Tang!). As a person of Chinese descent, I cherished the opportunity to rediscover my culture, which I’ve largely been separated from in America. Of course, I made sure to reciprocate the favor to our Chinese Bhikkhuni (Female monk), Kayla, by sharing my culture, The Wu-Tang Clan, who famously pays homage to Shaolin monastic culture in their rap songs.
While in many ways the monks epitomize discipline, they also love to have fun. The monastic society is elaborate, with far more layers of complexity than initially meets the eye. I was astounded to learn monks have their own hospitals, schools, debates, study abroad programs, and even jails. When we weren’t meditating, the senior monks would often invite us to village events like Buddhist holiday celebrations, funerals, or even the monk section of the hot springs where we’d philosophize about life and the Dhamma.
I initially arrived at the monastery for the teachings, but in hindsight, the Sangha of lay people and monks proved to be the most impactful aspect of the experience. I eagerly look forward to visiting temples throughout the world and reconnecting with my fellow monks and laypeople. Ordaining as a monk opened the portal to new dimensions of my life, spirituality and cultural immersion, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the opportunity to be a guest in the Triple Gem at The Pa Pae Meditation Retreat.
Location: Chiang Mai, Thailand
Date: September 21, 2023
